TwoCents | A TALE OF SUGAR ANTS - MY NIGHTMARE

Why are they even called sugar ants sef? You should see the contempt on my face as I sit at my writing desk, writing this. You will understand my frustration when you keep reading. It all started with a bottle of Malt I had that night and left the cap on my work table. As soon as I realized it was there, there were some sugar ants already kissing it. I took it off and cleaned my table. I have been noticing sugar ants lately in my room but just a few, until this incident. Why they chose to visit me, I don’t know. I woke up to realize that I had left the empty bottle of Malt on the floor beside my work table and it had formed a trail of sugar ants. Gosh! I jumped out of my bed, cleaned up the space and took the bottle out. What was I even thinking? I knew better nau! I mean, I couldn’t have been possibly drunk from a bottle of Malt. Malt o! Ah! Anyway, that is not the gist. These ants showed me shege banza! I had gone for a studio session the day after I took out the malt bottle and cleaned up the area. I returned two days later and got to work with one of my laptops. I have two. I was preparing a shot list for my film project. After about four days, I opened my other laptop and I was puzzled! What in the name of having some minutes of Malt enjoyment is this! Ah! I can’t believe this! I have never seen or heard anything like this before. A colony of sugar ants have called a family meeting in my laptop screen! Yes, IN MY LAPTOP SCREEN. What is not even funny is that they have laid eggs in there too. They had turned my laptop screen into a nesting site. OMG! Who told them to feel at home tori olorun! (for God’s sake!). Sigh. What am I going to do bayi (like this). I turned my laptop upside down and started shaking it, hoping they will fall off. *SMH* For where! I rang a friend for help. He said, “You will have to remove your screen and have it cleaned” Remove screen ke? That’s how the entire laptop will start having issues. Choi! What can I do? I started considering the option. I had mentioned that I will take it back to the company where I bought it when he said “If to say I dey close to you I for help you do am. E no hard. It is something you can even do yourself. You get long fingernails?” Who, me? Long fingernails? You don’t even want to see my fingernails sef. Plus, doing it myself is not an option. I thought about going to his house but no, I will rather have it fixed at the company I bought it. Anyway, I plugged my laptop to charge and increased the screen brightness to 100 percent, believing that the ants will be shocked and get the hell out of my laptop. *Hahahahahahahahhahhha* Imagine the drama these tiny sugar ants are causing me. Choi! Seeing these ants on my screen made me restless and frustrated. I called another friend. We had just finished talking when I discovered the ants. Dialing her again was a struggle because why on earth will Peju and I not talk for months and the next time we talk there is a problem with my laptop that I need her help with. It was already looking like a circle. This was the second time. The first time, we were having a conversation when I remembered that my laptop just showed a blue screen all of a sudden. So, I spoke to her about it. She reached out to someone for me but I ended up taking it back to where I bought it for repairs. I didn’t use her contact. This is the second time. I need help with the ants. What a coincidence! Remember that your friend that only calls you when they need your help? How do you look at your phone screen when their calls come in? Exactly! What coincidence can do to your friendship sha. I sha called her and she called her contact again. The person asked for a picture and said he would get back to her. Hmmmmmm I peeked at my laptop from the corner of my eyes, I wanted an immediate solution. I tried using what is left of my fingernails to open the screen. Shebi my friend asked if I had long fingernails. Forget the long, I sha have fingernails. Of course, I couldn’t open the screen! I dialed another friend. After my narration he said “Ah the ants must leave on their own oh. I will not advice you to remove your laptop screen to get them out.” As I looked at my screen again, I discovered the ants were getting fewer. Gheghen! They must have been receiving body heat from the charging laptop and the overly bright screen. They were taking their eggs with them. Wawuuu! Glory! It was almost midnight, I settled down to sleep abeg and let the miracle keep happening. Omooo, that’s how power was interrupted. Will these ants come back? Will the ones still in there remain there? What if they die in my laptop, how will I evacuate their dead bodies? Problem! I sha needed to sleep cause my eyes were heavy. I kept the laptop on my work chair, leaving it open but turned off. By the time I woke up, it was just about five of those tiny rascals with bigger butts than their heads running around my screen. Fair enough! I was excited that I didn’t have to remove my screen even though they left some tiny white long lines on my screen that made it look stained. Like they say, half bread is better than none. Anyway, fast forward to today, there are no more ants in my laptop but I still see them around my room. I have tried different means to get rid of them but they keep coming. Sometimes, I see one or two on my laptop screen, even though I don’t eat on my work table. WHAT’S WITH THESE TINY RASCALLY SUGAR ANTS AND MY LAPTOP SCREEN!!!! Yes, I am screaming.

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